Friday, September 21, 2012

unemployment by abbott and costello from uncle charley


COSTELLO:   Hey….Abbott! How many folks don’t have jobs now?
ABBOTT:   Good question. Terrible times. It's 8%.
COSTELLO:   That many people are out of work?
ABBOTT:   No, that's 16%.
COSTELLO:   You just said 8%.
ABBOTT:   8% Unemployed.
COSTELLO:   Right 8% out of work.
ABBOTT:   No, that's 16%.
COSTELLO:   Okay, so it's 16% unemployed.
ABBOTT:   No, that's 8% .
COSTELLO:   WAIT A MINUTE! Is it 8% or 16%?
ABBOTT:   8% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.
COSTELLO:   IF you are out of are unemployed? 
ABBOTT:   No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.
ABBOTT:   No, you miss my point.
COSTELLO:   What point?
ABBOTT:   Someone who doesn't look for work, can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.
COSTELLO:   To whom?
ABBOTT:   The unemployed.
COSTELLO:   But they are ALL out of work! 
ABBOTT:   No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.
COSTELLO:   So if you're off the unemployment roles, that would count as less unemployment?
ABBOTT:   Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!
COSTELLO:   The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?
ABBOTT:   Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 8%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment, do ya?
COSTELLO:   Crap no! 
ABBOTT:   Absolutely.
COSTELLO:   Wait....I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?
ABBOTT:   Two ways is correct.
COSTELLO:   Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?
ABBOTT:   Correct.
COSTELLO:   And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?
ABBOTT:   Bingo! 
COSTELLO:   So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.
ABBOTT:   Now you're thinking like a Washington economist.
ABBOTT:   Now you're thinking like a politician.

I asked God.......


I asked for a flower,

He gave me a garden.

I asked for a tree,

He gave me a forest.

I asked for a river,

He gave me an ocean.

I asked for a friend,

He gave me "YOU." version

FOOTPRINTS...A New Version

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace.

But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns.

For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently.

You and Jesus are walking as true friends!

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps.

Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one.

This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger.

Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.

This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints.

You are amazed and shocked.

Your dream ends. Now you pray:

"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You."

"That is correct."

"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."

"Very good.. You have understood everything so far."

When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."


"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first."

There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice.

"You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,4.

Spread the Word and give thanks to the Lord for He is good!

It's not WHAT you have in your life, but Whom you have in your life that counts... Think about that.

true story---who's packing your parachute...

Charles Plumb was a US Navy jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions,

his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and

parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a

communist Vietnamese prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on

lessons learned from that experience!

One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at

another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in

Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!"

"How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.

"I packed your parachute," the man replied. Plumb gasped in surprise and

gratitude. The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!" Plumb

assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here


Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb says, I kept

wondering what he had looked like in a Navy uniform: a white hat; a bib in

the back; and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I might have

seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?' or anything because,

you see, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor." Plumb thought of

the many hours the sailor had spent at a long wooden table in the bowels of

the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute,

holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn't know.

Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?" Everyone has

someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. He also

points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot

down over enemy territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental

parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute. He called

on all these supports before reaching safety.

Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really

important. We may fail to say hello, please, or thank you, congratulate

someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment,

or just do some thing nice for no reason. As you go through this week, this

month, this year, recognize people who pack your parachutes.

I am sending you this as my way of thanking you for your part in packing my

parachute. And I hope you will send it on to those who have helped pack


Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing

a word. Maybe this could explain it: When you are very busy, but still want

to keep in touch, guess what you do -- you forward jokes. And to let you

know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still

loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get? A forwarded joke.

So my friend, next time when you get a joke, don't think that you've been

sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and

your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile,

just helping you pack your parachute.....

Saturday, September 15, 2012


Pappy was a pleasant-looking old fellow. He had the whitest hair which he kept neatly cut and combed. His eyes were blue, though faded with age, and they seemed to emit a warmth from within. His face was quite drawn, but when he smiled, even his wrinkles seemed to soften and smile with him. He had a talent for whistling and did so happily each day as he dusted and swept his pawnshop; even so, he had a secret sadness, but everyone who knew him respected and adored him.
Most of Pappy's customers returned for their goods, and he did not do much business, but he did not mind. To him, the shop was not a livelihood as much as a welcome pastime.
There was a room in the back of his shop where he spent time tinkering with a menagerie of his own precious items. He referred to this back room as "memory hall." In it were pocket watches, clocks, and electric trains. There were miniature steam engines and antique toys made of wood, tin, or cast iron, and there were various other obsolete trinkets as well.
Spending time in memory hall delighted him as he recalled many treasured moments from his past. He handled each item with care, and sometimes he would close his eyes and pause to relive a sweet, simple childhood memory.
One day, Pappy was working to his heart's content reassembling an old railroad lantern.  As he worked, he whistled the melody of a railroad tune and reminisced about his own past as a switchman. It was a typical day at the shop. Outside, the sun illuminated the clear sky, and a slight wind passed through the door.  Whenever the weather was this nice, Pappy kept the inner door open. He enjoyed the fresh air—almost as much as the distinctive smell of antiques and old engine oil.
As he was polishing his newly restored lantern, he heard the tinkling of his bell on the shop door.  The bell, which produced a uniquely charming resound, had been in Pappy's family for over a hundred years. He cherished it dearly and enjoyed sharing its song with all who came to his shop. Although the bell hung on the inside of the main door, Pappy had strung a wire to the screen door so that it would ring whether the inner door was open or not. Prompted by the bell, he left memory hall to greet his customer.
At first, he did not see her. Her shiny, soft curls barely topped the counter.
"And how can I help you, little lady?" Pappy's voice was jovial.
"Hello, sir." The little girl spoke almost in a whisper. She was dainty. Bashful. Innocent.  She looked at Pappy with her big brown eyes, then slowly scanned the room in search of something special.  Shyly she told him, "I'd like to buy a present, sir."
"Well, let's see," Pappy said, "who is this present for?"
"My grandpa. It's for my grandpa. But I don't know what to get."
Pappy began to make suggestions. "How about a pocket watch? It's in good condition. I fixed it myself," he said proudly.
The little girl didn't answer. She had walked to the doorway and put her small hand on the door.  She wiggled the door gently to ring the bell.  Pappy's face seemed to glow as he saw her smiling with excitement.
"This is just right," the little girl bubbled.  "Momma says grandpa loves music."
Just then, Pappy's expression changed. Fearful of breaking the little girl's heart, he told her, "I'm sorry, missy. That's not for sale. Maybe your grandpa would like this little radio."
The little girl looked at the radio, lowered her head, and sadly sighed, "No, I don't think so."
In an effort to help her understand, Pappy told her the story of how the bell had been in his family for so many years, and that was why he didn't want to sell it.
The little girl looked up at him, and with a giant tear in her eye, sweetly said, "I guess I understand. Thank you, anyway."
Suddenly, Pappy thought of how the rest of the family was all gone now, except for his estranged daughter whom he had not seen in nearly a decade.
Why not, he thought. Why not pass it on to someone who will share it with a loved one?  God only knows where it will end up anyway.
"Wait...little lady." Pappy spoke just as the little girl was going out the door--just as he was hearing his bell ring for the last time.  "I've decided to sell the bell. Here's a hanky.  Blow your nose."
The little girl began to clap her hands. "Oh, thank you, sir. Grandpa will be so happy."
"Okay, little lady. Okay." Pappy felt good about helping the child; he knew, however, he would miss the bell. "You must promise to take good care of the bell for your grandpa--and for me, too, okay?" He carefully placed the bell in a brown paper bag.
"Oh, I promise," said the little girl. Then, she suddenly became very still and quiet. There was something she had forgotten to ask.  She looked up at Pappy with great concern, and again almost in a whisper, asked, "How much will it cost?"
"Well, let's see. How much have you got to spend?" Pappy asked with a grin.
The child pulled a small coin purse from her pocket then reached up and emptied two dollars and forty-seven cents onto the counter.
After briefly questioning his own sanity, Pappy said, "Little lady, this is your lucky day. That bell costs exactly two dollars and forty-seven cents."
Later that evening as Pappy prepared to close up shop, he found himself thinking about his bell.  Already he had decided not to put up another one.  He thought about the child and wondered if her grandpa like his gift. Surely he would cherish anything from such a precious grandchild.
At that moment, just as he was going to turn off the light in memory hall, Pappy thought he heard his bell. Again, he questioned his sanity; he turned toward the door, and there stood the little girl.  She was ringing the bell and smiling sweetly.
Pappy was puzzled as he strolled toward the small child. "What's this, little lady? Have you changed your mind?"
"No," she grinned. "Momma says it's for you."
Before Pappy had time to say another word, the child's mother stepped into the doorway, and choking back a tear, she gently said, "Hello, Dad."
The little girl tugged on her grandpa's shirttail.  "Here, Grandpa. Here's your hanky. Blow your nose."
-- Author Unknown

Thursday, September 13, 2012


My name is Pride. I am a cheater.
i cheat you out of your God-given destiny....
because you demand your own way.
i cheat you out of contentment.....
because you "deserve better than this."
i cheat you out of knowledge......because you already know it all.
i cheat you out of healing.....because you're too full of me to forgive.
i cheat you out of holiness.....
because you refuse to admit when you are wrong.
i cheat you out of vision.....
because you'd rather look in the mirror than out the window.
i cheat you out of genuine friendship.....
because no one is going to know the real you.
i cheat you out of love.....
because romance demands sacrafice.
i cheat you out of greatness in heaven.......
because you refuse to wash another's feet on earth.
i cheat you out of God's glory......
because i convince you to seek your own.
my name is pride. i am a cheater.
you like me because you think i am always looking out for you.
not true.
i'm looking to make a fool of you.
God has so much for you, i admit, but don't worry.....
if you stick with me you will NEVER know.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012



* Remember that your presence is a present to the world.
* Remember that you are a unique and unrepeatable creation.
* Remember that your life can be what you want it to be.
* Remember to take the days just one at a time.
* Remember to count your blessings, not your troubles.
* Remember that you'll make it through whatever comes along.
* Remember that most of the answers you need are within you.
* Remember those dreams waiting to be realized.
* Remember that decisions are too important to leave to chance.
* Remember to always reach for the best that is within you.
* Remember that nothing wastes more energy than worry
* Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
* Remember that the longer you carry a grudge, the heavier it gets.
* Remember not to take things too seriously.
* Remember to laugh.
* Remember that a little love goes a long way.
* Remember that a lot goes forever.
* Remember that happiness is more often found in giving than getting.
* Remember that life's treasures are people, not things.
May God bless your day with peace, joy and love.
-- Author Unknown

Friday, September 7, 2012

John 3:16.............

JOHN 3:16
In the city of Chicago, one cold, dark night, a blizzard was setting in. A little boy was selling newspapers on the corner, the people were in and out of the cold.  The little boy was so cold that he wasn't trying to sell many papers.  He walked up to a policeman and said, "Mister, you wouldn't happen to know where a poor boy could find a warm place to sleep tonight would you? You see, I sleep in a box up around the corner there and down the alley and it's awful cold in there, of a night. Sure would be nice to have a warm place to stay."
The policeman looked down at the little boy and said, "You go down the street to that big white house and you knock on the door.  When they come out the door you just say John 3:16 and they will let you in."
So he did, he walked up the steps to the door, and knocked on the door and a lady answered.  He looked up and said, "John 3:16."
The lady said "Come on in, Son." She took him in and she sat him down in a split bottom rocker in front of a great big old fireplace and she went off. 
He sat there for a while, and thought to himself "John 3:16.... I don't understand it, but it sure makes a cold boy warm." 
Later she came back and asked him "Are you hungry?" 
He said, "Well, just a little. I haven't eaten in a couple of days and I guess I could stand a little bit of food." The lady took him in the kitchen and sat him down to a table full of wonderful food.  He ate and ate until he couldn't eat any more.  Then he thought to himself "John 3:16... Boy, I sure don't understand it, but it sure makes a hungry boy full."
She took him upstairs to a bathroom to a huge bathtub filled with warm water and he sat there and soaked for a while. As he soaked, he thought to himself, "John 3:16... I sure don't understand it, but it sure makes a dirty boy clean.  You know, I've not had a bath, a real bath, in my whole life. The only bath I ever had was when I stood in front of that big old fire hydrant as they flushed it out."
The lady came in and got him, and took him to a room and tucked him into a big old feather bed and pulled the covers up around his neck and kissed him goodnight and turned out the lights.  As he laid in the darkness and looked out the window at the snow coming down on that cold night he thought to himself, "John 3:16... I don't understand it, but it sure makes a tired boy rested."
The next morning she came back up and took him down again to that same big table full of food. After he ate she took him back to that same big old split bottom rocker in front of the fireplace and she took a big old Bible and sat down in front of him and she looked up at and she asked "Do you understand John 3:16?"
He said, "No, Ma'am, I don't.  The first time I ever heard it was last night when the policeman told me to use it."
She opened her Bible to John 3:16 , and she began to explain to him about Jesus.  Right there in front of that big old fireplace he gave his heart and life to Jesus. He sat there and thought, "John 3:16. I don't understand it, but it but it sure makes a lost boy feel safe."
You know, I have to confess I don't understand it either, how God would be willing to send His Son to die for me, and how Jesus would agree to do such a thing.  I don't understand it either, but it sure does make Life worth living.
John 3:16 - 18
16. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 17. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. 18. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
-- Author Unknown