Tuesday, February 26, 2008

a Biking funny.....................

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from one city
to another. He got as far as the mountains when it just became too much
and he could go no farther.

He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours he hadn't gotten a single
person to stop. Finally a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a
ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the
Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his
bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he got
to going too fast to honk the horn on his bike and he would slow down.

Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette
blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took
off after the other. A short distance down the road, the
Corvettes--both going well over 120 mph--blew through a speed trap. The police
officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer
that he had 2 Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. He then
relayed, "And you're not going to believe this, but there's guy on a 10-speed
bike honking to pass."

Monday, February 25, 2008

THE DEVIL'S BEATITUDES...........

THE DEVIL'S BEATITUDES

If the Devil were to write his Beatitudes, they would probably go something
like this:

Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an
hour once a week with their fellow Christians in Church - they are my best
workers.

Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked -
I can use them.

Blessed are the touchy, with a bit of luck they may stop going to church -
they are my missionaries.

Blessed are those who are very religious but get on everyone's nerves - they
are mine forever.

Blessed are the troublemakers ~ they shall be called my children.

Blessed are those who have no time to pray - they are easy prey for me.

Blessed are the gossipers - for they are my secret agents.

Blessed are those critical of church leadership - for they shall inherit a
place with me in my fate.

Blessed are the complainers - I'm all ears for them.

Blessed are you when you read this and think it is about other people and
not yourself - I've got you.

-- Author Unknown

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

SPECIAL BEATTUTUDES for those who work with special people..........

SPECIAL BEATTUTUDES for those who work with special people

BLESSED ARE YOU who take time to listen to difficult speech
FOR YOU help us know that if we persevere, we can be understood.

BLESSED ARE YOU who walk with us in public places and ignore the stares of
strangers,
FOR in your companionship, we find havens of relaxation.

BLESSED ARE YOU who never bid us "hurry up" and more blessed, you who do not
snatch our tasks from our hands to do them for us
FOR often we need time rather than help.

BLESSED ARE YOU who stand beside us as we enter new and untried ventures,
FOR our failures will be outweighed by times when we surprise ourselves and
you.

BLESSED ARE YOU who ask for our help
FOR our greatest need is to be needed.

BLESSED ARE YOU who help us with the graciousness of Christ.
FOR oftentimes we need the help we cannot ask for.

BLESSED ARE YOU when, by all these things you assure us that the thing that
makes us individuals is not in our peculiar muscles, not in our wounded
nervous systems, nor in our difficulties in learning
BUT in the God-given self which no infirmity can confine.

REJOICE AND BE EXCEEDINGLY GLAD, and know that you give us reassurances that
could never be spoken in words,
FOR you deal with us as Christ dealt with all His children.

-- Author Unknown

SOME TALK THE TALK, BUT MAY STUMBLE WALKING THE TALK.........

SOME TALK THE TALK, BUT MAY STUMBLE WALKING THE TALK

A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right
thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red
light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as
she missed her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she was
still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face
of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to
the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and
placed in a cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the
door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer
was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your
car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you,
and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do"
bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker and the
chrome-plated fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen
the car."

-- Author Unknown

ROSES AND THORNS ...............

ROSES AND THORNS

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully, and before it
blossomed, he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom and also
the thorns. And he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant
burdened with so many sharp thorns?" Saddened by this thought, he neglected
to water the rose, and before it was ready to bloom, it died.

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like
qualities planted in us at birth grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many
of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects. We despair,
thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water
the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.

Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it
to them.

One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past
the thorns and find the rose within others. This is the characteristic of
love, to look at a person, and knowing his faults, recognize the nobility in
his soul, and help him realize that he can overcome his faults. If we show
him the rose, he will conquer the thorns.

Our duty in this world is to help others by showing them their roses and not
their thorns. Only then can we achieve the love we should feel for each
other; only then can we bloom in our own garden.

-- Author Unknown

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

by Dr. Charles Stanley the truth about self-love

In Touch Daily Devotional
by Dr. Charles Stanley


February 14, 2008 -- The Truth About Love of Self -- Galatians 5:13-14
Although a number of places in the Bible contain the command, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself" (Leviticus 19:18; Matthew 19:19; Galatians 5:14), Christians often overlook the "as yourself" part. But no one can fully love the Lord or anyone else unless he loves his own being. This means reverencing oneself as a child of God, created for fellowship with Him.
All people are valuable to the Lord. But the believer's self-worth is rooted in the fact that we have a relationship with God. We are to care for ourselves, based upon the fact that He has provided for our salvation, given us the Holy Spirit, and developed a unique plan for our life.
Love of self is essential to God's plan for every believer. He desires that we exercise care for our own person, which helps us relate to Him. If we dislike ourselves, we may feel unworthy of God's love and refuse to approach Him as Father. But love teaches us to see ourselves the way the Lord does--as available vessels, each with unique gifts and talents. Then we can offer greater usefulness to the kingdom. Using us to the fullest extent of our God-given abilities is the Father's goal, and if we have a righteous love for self, that will be our goal too.
Whoever you are and whatever your circumstances may be, I can tell you something about yourself. God has a special plan for you. But He cannot set you on the path to achieving His goals for your life until you recognize your worth and learn to love the person He created you to be.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

'in touch' by Dr. Charles Stanley valentine's day

In Touch Daily Devotional
by Dr. Charles Stanley


February 13, 2008 -- Valued by God -- Matthew 22:34-40
Valentine's Day always seems like a good time to remind people about the Lord's love for mankind or our responsibility to care for neighbors and the needy. But the Bible also speaks of another important yet often overlooked type of love--that of self.
Many Christians are taught to believe that caring for one's own person is a form of selfishness. Verses are frequently pulled out of context to support this erroneous view. For example, Paul's remarks about himself use phrases like "foremost sinner" and "wretched man" (1 Timothy 1:15; Romans 7:24). Though these comments may seem disparaging, the apostle is actually glorifying God for the great work done in his life.
Some also challenge the idea of self-love by pointing to the admonition in Luke 14:26 that a man must "hate . . . his own life" to follow Christ. But Jesus is not promoting hostility; rather, He's explaining that our allegiance to Him must be absolute, even when such loyalty is costly to us or those we love.
No scripture implies that the people God created--whether believers or unbelievers-- are undeserving of love. Actually, the opposite is true. Jesus demonstrated that every person has value to God. Self-love should naturally grow out of a recognition that we're precious to Him. Yet somehow, over the years, healthy appreciation of self has been mislabeled as egotism or pride.
Reverencing one's own being is not self-centeredness. We're to care for our body, mind, and soul as treasured possessions given by a God who loves us.

Soul Food

As you know, we need food to feed our spiritual body, and
that food is the Word of God. So I would like to share with you
a poem that was sent to me this week. It should help you plan
a 5 course meal, and it is titled........

Soul Food

I love the taste of T-bone steak,
Delicious every bite,
But there's nothing like the Word of God,
For my spiritual appetite.

The Word of God has milk and meat,
And even ice cream and cake.
Take a slice of the Bread of Life,
And coffee to keep us awake.

Open your Bible and turn to Psalms,
For David's famous buffet.
You can drink all the wine of the word you want,
And still feel fine the next day.

There's enough of the Word for everyone,
And no one has to cheat.
The Word of God is a smorgasbord,
So take all you are able to eat.

Let's have a little long suffering,
Job gives the recipe.
Patience is the main ingredient,
Self denial is the fee.

Wrap that up in temperance,
It may not make much sense,
Cover that with contentment,
Then add some joy for strength.

Let's have love for dessert,
Jesus made this dish,
Cream of joy and peace together,
Sift out all selfishness.

Add some deeds of righteousness,
Enough to make it sweet.
Humility is the frosting,
That makes the dish complete.

Or are you on a diet,
Cause the race seems hard to run.
For a weight losing menu,
Try Hebrews 12 and 1.

Are you suffering from malnutrition,
And don't know what to do?
Your spiritual growth! seems hindered,
Try I. Peter 2 and 2.

If when every time you battle,
the enemy always wins,
Try some Holy Ghost Protein,
And spiritual vitamins.

God's Word can feed millions,
And still have plenty left.
Because the Word of God is Soul Food,
Sent from the World's Greatest CHEF.
Amen.

LUCKY

LUCKY

Anyone who has pets will really like this. You'll like it even if you don't
and may decide you need one. Mary and her husband Jim had a dog, Lucky.
Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a
weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open
because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably
someone would forget and something would come up missing. Mary or Jim would
go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid
all of Lucky's favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box
and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.

It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her
she was going to die of this disease...she was just sure it was fatal. She
scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders.

The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A
thought struck her...what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old
dog liked Jim he was Mary's dog through and through. If I die Lucky will be
abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave
him. The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.

The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated
and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening
walk faithfully but the dog just drooped, whining and miserable. But finally
the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was
so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made
his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap. Lucky stood watching
Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep
soon overcame her and she dozed.

When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She
couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. Panic soon gave way
to laughter though when Mary realized the problem. She was covered,
literally blanketed in every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept the
sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement and back bringing his
beloved mistress his favorite things in life. He had covered her with his
love. Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again,
walking further and further together every night.

It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky? He still steals
treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest
treasure.

Live everyday to the fullest...because every day is a blessing from God! He
covers you with His treasures and His love!

Hugs,

May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

-- Author Unknown

LET GO OF THE PAST

LET GO OF THE PAST

My child,

Give up! Give up those hurts of the past. It's time to move on. satan
loves to have you live in the past because that renders you ineffective to
live in the present-in the now.

Tell Me, child. What is it that has happened to you? Who hurt you? What
mistakes have you made that you regret? Did what happen to you change the
fact that Jesus loves you, and He died on the cross for you so you could
live in heaven with Him for all eternity?

Can anything or anyone ever change that fact? You know that nothing can
ever nullify what Jesus did for you on the cross. If that's true, and it
is, then nothing else matters, does it?

There is nothing that can happen to you, nothing anyone can do to you that
can ever change the fact that My Son, Jesus, loves you and died on
the cross for you so you gain heaven for all eternity. No one can ever take
that away from you. No One!

Hold on to that thought. Put things in their proper perspective. When you
do that, you'll see that being loved unconditionally, attaining salvation
and the right to go to heaven is your ultimate goal. Everything else pales
in comparison to that.

Even physical death cannot take heaven away from you, for then the real
you-your spirit-just changes abodes. Physical death for Christians is
moving from living in the temple of the Holy Spirit, your body, to living in
heaven.

I know, My child, I know. Your mind is often filled with hurtful things
that happen to you. Sometimes you even say to people "You don't know how
much it hurt Me when such and such happened." Well, I ask you again, does
what happen to you in the past change the fact that Jesus loves you and died
for you, and now you can spend eternity with Him in heaven? I don't have to
wait for your answer, because I know immediately your mind said, "No!"

Then, child, nothing else matters! Compared to eternity, all problems are
nothing. Loving Me, being in My family, gaining the right to live in heaven
for eternity-that' s what's important in life. If you lose that, you've lost
it all. Don't hold grudges. forgive! Nothing you can gain on earth can
make up for that loss, and nothing can happen to
you on earth that can take that away from you- Nothing!

Love,
God

-- Author Unknown

Friday, February 8, 2008

CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS

CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS

Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a
basket case.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in
their pews.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come
close.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road,
and the back of the church.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it
has.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should
you?
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
Peace starts with a smile.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make
which one you stay home from?
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just
sitting on the premises.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over
"religious nuts!"
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
He who angers you, controls you!
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect
you.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
We don't change the message, the message changes us.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
*+*+*+*+*+*+ *+*+*+*+* +*+*+*+*
The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4
given.

-- Author Unknown

THREE TIPS TO ZAP STRESS BEFORE IT STRIKES

THREE TIPS TO ZAP STRESS BEFORE IT STRIKES

The symptoms of stress usually sneak up on us — building slowly, then
culminating in physical discomfort, like headaches, back pains, or stiff
necks. Why not stop stress in its tracks? There's no one-size-fits- all
approach, but a combination of stress management techniques can keep
everyday tensions and anxieties from getting the best of you.
1) Take one minute per hour each day to just breathe and do nothing — no
phones, no lists, no responsibilities. Just as your cell phone needs
recharging, so do you.
2) Get better organized. Many people spend 20 percent of their time looking
for things. Label your belongings, alphabetize files. It may sound mundane,
but order will help you save time and energy.
3) Laugh at yourself and try to make others laugh. Playfulness and a sense
of humor can take the edge off some of life's situations.

-- Author Unknown

A CAN OF WORMS

A CAN OF WORMS

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his
Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following
results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
The third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
The fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this
demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long
as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service --

-- Author Unknown

AN ACRONYM OF ‘PRAYER ‘

AN ACRONYM OF ‘PRAYER ‘
P raise
R equesting
A doration
Y ielding
E xalting
R eliance

AN ACRONYM OF ‘PEACE’

AN ACRONYM OF ‘PEACE’
P raising no matter what
E xperiencing joy
A ccepting God's will
C ontent with life
E xpecting His blessings

-- Author Unknown

Thursday, February 7, 2008

AFTER CHRISTMAS POEM

AFTER CHRISTMAS POEM

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste,
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.

I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick,
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

-- Author Unknown


'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste,
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.

I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick,
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

-- Author Unknown