a Biking funny.....................

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from one city
to another. He got as far as the mountains when it just became too much
and he could go no farther.

He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours he hadn't gotten a single
person to stop. Finally a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a
ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the
Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his
bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he got
to going too fast to honk the horn on his bike and he would slow down.

Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette
blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took
off after the other. A short distance down the road, the
Corvettes--both going well over 120 mph--blew through a speed trap. The police
officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer
that he had 2 Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. He then
relayed, "And you're not going to believe this, but there's guy on a 10-speed
bike honking to pass."

THE DEVIL'S BEATITUDES...........

THE DEVIL'S BEATITUDES

If the Devil were to write his Beatitudes, they would probably go something
like this:

Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an
hour once a week with their fellow Christians in Church - they are my best
workers.

Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked -
I can use them.

Blessed are the touchy, with a bit of luck they may stop going to church -
they are my missionaries.

Blessed are those who are very religious but get on everyone's nerves - they
are mine forever.

Blessed are the troublemakers ~ they shall be called my children.

Blessed are those who have no time to pray - they are easy prey for me.

Blessed are the gossipers - for they are my secret agents.

Blessed are those critical of church leadership - for they shall inherit a
place with me in my fate.

Blessed are the complainers - I'm all ears for them.

Blessed are you when you read this and think it is about other people and
not yourself - I've got you.

-- Author Unknown

SPECIAL BEATTUTUDES for those who work with special people..........

SPECIAL BEATTUTUDES for those who work with special people

BLESSED ARE YOU who take time to listen to difficult speech
FOR YOU help us know that if we persevere, we can be understood.

BLESSED ARE YOU who walk with us in public places and ignore the stares of
strangers,
FOR in your companionship, we find havens of relaxation.

BLESSED ARE YOU who never bid us "hurry up" and more blessed, you who do not
snatch our tasks from our hands to do them for us
FOR often we need time rather than help.

BLESSED ARE YOU who stand beside us as we enter new and untried ventures,
FOR our failures will be outweighed by times when we surprise ourselves and
you.

BLESSED ARE YOU who ask for our help
FOR our greatest need is to be needed.

BLESSED ARE YOU who help us with the graciousness of Christ.
FOR oftentimes we need the help we cannot ask for.

BLESSED ARE YOU when, by all these things you assure us that the thing that
makes us individuals is not in our peculiar muscles, not in our wounded
nervous systems, nor in our difficulties in learning
BUT in the God-given self which no infirmity can confine.

REJOICE AND BE EXCEEDINGLY GLAD, and know that you give us reassurances that
could never be spoken in words,
FOR you deal with us as Christ dealt with all His children.

-- Author Unknown

SOME TALK THE TALK, BUT MAY STUMBLE WALKING THE TALK.........

SOME TALK THE TALK, BUT MAY STUMBLE WALKING THE TALK

A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right
thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red
light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as
she missed her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she was
still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face
of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to
the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and
placed in a cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the
door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer
was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your
car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you,
and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do"
bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker and the
chrome-plated fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen
the car."

-- Author Unknown

ROSES AND THORNS ...............

ROSES AND THORNS

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully, and before it
blossomed, he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom and also
the thorns. And he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant
burdened with so many sharp thorns?" Saddened by this thought, he neglected
to water the rose, and before it was ready to bloom, it died.

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like
qualities planted in us at birth grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many
of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects. We despair,
thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water
the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.

Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it
to them.

One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past
the thorns and find the rose within others. This is the characteristic of
love, to look at a person, and knowing his faults, recognize the nobility in
his soul, and help him realize that he can overcome his faults. If we show
him the rose, he will conquer the thorns.

Our duty in this world is to help others by showing them their roses and not
their thorns. Only then can we achieve the love we should feel for each
other; only then can we bloom in our own garden.

-- Author Unknown